Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
