So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
