and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
