Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Randomize
