Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
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