He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
