i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Dick very happy bro
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
