There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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