Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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