shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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