Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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