U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
