It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Best friends brother. Beat that.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
