i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Randomize
