i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I can't turn off my feet"
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
