what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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