i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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