I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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