my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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