I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
this just has baby written all over it
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
