I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
