God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Randomize
