Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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