her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Randomize
