I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
