If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
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