He asked to "fluff my boner.."
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
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