DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
