if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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