When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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