So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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