You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
