Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
