I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
