i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
