Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
two words: eviction party
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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