I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
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