I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
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