i permit you to call me
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
