I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I can tuck mytits in my pants
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
