Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
