dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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