Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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