New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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