I just pynch a tree in the face
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night�
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Randomize
