we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Randomize
