Got a toothbrush?
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
