I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
