After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
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