He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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